I Can't Get No Sleep!

Its 01.36 of the first day on my second juice feast! I am so excited and cacaoed out of my brains, I can't sleep at all!! Damn. Whats a girl to do? Will be good to have a little break from cacao - that stuff is strong, I think I am a bit dependent. It just brightened my world post JF but in reflection I have been consistently on a cacao high for too long (cacao sends me to cuckoo land) and its good to come back to earth. What better way that pure green earth juices, looking forward to vibrating with the plants. Holi's been collecting nettles, I love nettles! They serious speak to me on a whole different level than other plants, but I won't go there, you'll think I am crazy.

I am fricking nodding like a drugee, cacao is bad! Need to calm down, Saf is giving us a written test tomorrow and I have to be on form. Could I name three advantages of the raw food diet? Shit, I have got to do some studying on that one.

1. LOVE

2. L-O-V-E

3. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!

Me and My Suitcase Full of...

Tonight is the night before...another Juice Feast. Am so excited. Woke up this morning...f*@cked! Yesterday's 'raw' food tasting, really did me in. Ridiculous how sensitive I am, not long ago I would have walked away from that mammoth lunch glowing with energy with a skip in my stride. Today I awoke late, tired, puffy-eyed, pale and feeling out of synch with the spin of the universe. Well hurray, tomorrow is the beginning of another cleanse, and if the last one is anything to go by - I can not wait!!!

Went to the market and bought: carrots, spinach, parsely, apples, pears, romaine, lamb's lettuce, celery and yummy cukes. Trampled it all back in a suitcase on two buses to arrive home. Realised I was locked out - I am not expanding gracefully with the Universe today, spent an hour banging on the door before my brother woke up to let me in. But now I am fixed up and ready to run tomorrow. All that was left was to empty the contents of my fridge so..yummy romaine lettuce, with luscious avocadoes and a hemp-seed/lime/garlic/smoked paprika creamy dressing with some sundried tomatoes!!! Yum! Then I was like "oh no!".I realised that there was still a stack of cacao nibs left in the cupboard and I had less than 12 hours to work out what to do with it. I put my thinking cap on and off the top of my head managed to make a fig, hemp seed, cacao and honey pudding with lots of vanilla and a dash of cayenne. OMG, I was singing to the pudding. It went "We'll meet again, don't know how, don't know when, but I know we'll meet again some sunny day." You know that Vera Lynn classic! My cacao pudding is so good, its better than anything I have tasted at Saf so far. I will be selling it under the counter, just ask for Poppy's moonshine pudding. I shall be taking some to a potluck next Saturday - thanks for the info Paz!

So I am so psyched for tomorrow. Its good to have the foresight this time around. Last time was very spontaneous and I didn't have a chance to have my last supper and spent the week lamenting not having one last salad so it feels good to have treated myself this time round. Can't wait to get back into enemas, skin brushing and gallons of the green stuff! Oh yeah. Food is fun but juices are so much more. I have missed it pretty much from the day I broke the last Juice Feast. I am gonna drink lots of hemp oil this time round to ensure I don't have any of the imbalance I suffered last time.

Peace!!

Yuk, I feel Yuk!!!

Funny, I always lamented not having a 'pro-pah' raw food restaurant in London when i transitioned to raw - I felt as if my raw experience wad not so exciting as I had never realy tasted the virtues of the beautiful creations that I was adept to seeing on raw 'porn' sites. Today was my first experience of having the real introduction to the amazing restaurant creations of Chad Sarno. The food at Saf is going to be incredible!! I mean it tastes amazing and Chad really is the man to create a wonderful restaurant experience from amazing mostly raw ingerdients.

Personally though I would rather have a big bowl of salad 'a la Poppy' any day of the week. After tasting everything on the menu, I had this unbalanced feeling, a bit like when I ate cooked where I felt unsatisfied. My belly was full but my soul felt empty. I realise that the creations I had just eaten lacked the essentials for me, fresh leafy greens, dense avocadoes, salty seaweeds, water dense cukes, sensual olives. I am so happy with the food that I prepare for myself on a daily basis I wouldn't swap it for anything. I think the gourmet raw food must feel healthy for somebody on a cooked diet, and must present a wonderful dining experience for the raw foody wanting to dine out, but nonetheless it does nothing for my body. Seriously I was craving greens after that meal, I felt so awful. I would never have anticipated that I could arrive at this level of nutritional simlpicity a year ago, and frankly I had I know I would have thought twice about becoming raw but now its ridiculous how sensitive my body is to food. Even nuts now do me no good whatsoever. It seems like a ridiculous sacrifice to make to reduce my food choices so significantly, but I enjoy eating like never before without the emotional attachment to food, and I feel so great on fresh plant food - I am literally soaring with energy. I feel like am flying on a completely different level of energy, sometimes I even feel like I am going too fast and need to calm down - more green juices! I love the experience of life on this plane of energy, it feels exactly how is was meant to be. Juice Feast begins again Monday, buying produce tomorrow - I can not wait. The experience of life just keeps on exploding, love, love, love!

Paris for a couple of days, I hope this week - reconnecting with my darling love whom I miss. Dreamt of a 'Jack and the Beanstalk' type Garlic tree last night and I had to climb to the top to get the last two amazing bulbs. Strange! Reminds me, when does wild garlic come around, must be soon..Yum! Woken up this morning mby David, loving words. Made my day. A think each day is defined about how it begins, positive morning thoughts can make a whole day beautiful!

Jumping on that Wagon Again

Saf training is a whole lotta fun, still! The menu and juice list looks heavenly and I forgot to mention that there will also be a shop selling al the raw lifestyle essentials like rebounders, superfoods, nature's first greens and the like. Also there will be a take away menu a simple bar/snack menu, its also got wifi and the company seems to be very conscientious and caring in an ethically minded kinda way. Got miffed that I had to go and buy my lunch today, cos as a raw girl, my dietary needs were looked over - ironic huh! But the staff seem increasingly interested in the raw foods thing, and am being bomabarded with questions and have promised to introduce all the girls to the gift of raw chocolate tomorrow!

More excitingly, am back on the juice wagon come Monday, hurray! I am so, so excited about this. I miss it so much, food doesn't integrate in the same way that juice does - I miss those love vibes too. I will be sharing the fun with Holi, as we will start officially on the same day although she might zip off to Thailand soon, we will still be sharing it together. I wish I could run away somehere warm too, harumph! Soon come, I hope!

Talking to Dusty tonight, in his organic shop got my brain thinking over a lot of stuff. I find it very uplifting to talk to other conscientious people, it makes the process so worthwhile because you know that you are part of a mass consciousness. Its clear now, that so many people want to make positive change. We may all have different ideas on how to achieve this, but most importantly I see people looking into themelves, gaining awareness of their own potential and becoming nicer people. I thought, what an impact we could make on the world if we each shared a caring smile with a few extra people each day, if we said something nice to each other. Perhaps we are too focused on making the global shift that we forget the impact of small changes that we can impact here and now! I left smiling, walked through the woods and felt wonderfully blessed by the splendor of nature in Spring! I am happy, I notice how significantly happier I feel today than I did a year ago. I think it is possible to embrace life with fresh, youthful eyes each day and discover new things each day. Life seems exciting right now, so much potential. I am happy in myself. Perhaps I need to get better at being more extorvert and sharing with others, but I feel comfortable in myself and it has taken me years to achieve this. I don't know if it is raw food that has made me feel this way, but it certainly started at the same time that I embraced this lifetyle. Weird how food can have such an impact.

People focus a lot of the aesthetic side of raw food, its like we've been brain-washed to believe that diets can turn you into the supermodels whose beauty we perceive to epitomise perfect health. I often felt insecure about telling people I was raw, because I felt that I wasn't your typical 'Shazzie' or 'Karen Knowler' type. True, my skin glows and so do my eyes, but most importantly I smile from within. Thats what I have gained from raw food, an inner smile and confidence in myself and my potential. So much more important that anything else, me thinks.

Kimchee and Cacao

My face has deflated, at last! Hurray and I am feeling much more positive. Funny how feeling physically unwell can totally offset your whole psyhological well-being. The two are so linked, it just takes something like that to make me appreciate how far I have come on raw foods. I am thinking about going back to JFing again, I miss the euphoria and simplicity. Food is so complicated sometimes! New friend Holi is jumping on the JFing bandwagon very soon, may join her. I really did love that experience so much and now it feels like I am firmly back to earth. Discovering that cacao isn't so good for me on a regular basis, I only benefit from it if taken recreationally, as it were. Also realising, keeping hydrated is just about the most important thing, whenever I go a day without my green juice, I really feel the effects!

Sauerkraut is where its at for me right now, can't get enough of my homemade kimchee. Craving the stuff!! Noticed that I have gained a fair bit of weight since breaking my feast, despite eating mainly romaine lettuce! How is that possible? Still loving me, loving my curves and and loving me - I feel great!

Love

Bashfulness and the Elephant Lady

Its been a crazy, eventful, celebration filled week crammed with highs and birthday bashfulness. I am officially hooked on raw chocolate - its the only sweet thing that grabs my attention and I am loving eating again - though I do miss the juice feast. Last night's raw cacao talk at Inspiral Lounge was just inspiring and filled with lovely peeps. Lovely to meet you Suki and Crissy, ;), Joel - your words were deep!

Partaying over the weekend and dancing to the legendary Ali Shaheed Muhammed on Sunday night was perhaps one of the finest groovement experience I have ever had. Beautiful bodies and smiling faces all going collectively wild to the DJ music filled my soul with love, couldn't stop laughing all night long, greeting old friends with ear-to-ear smiles and hugs.

Raw food and cleansing has made me one sensitive little girl! A nasty allergic reaction to carob has made the right side of face swell up, with an inflamed eye also - I look like I have been beaten up! Trying Raw Intent's Carob Chips, gave my body the opportunity to reveal to me how sensitive I am - I discovered today that they ain't raw and that they contain soya, so I will be more careful to thoroughy check packaged products in future. However, I did manage to venture out to the Inspiral Lounge despite my current malformation, and it was well worth it! I start training at SAF tomorrow, and I am too embarassed to leave the house right now - I hope tonight brings speedy recovery. My brothers have nicknamed me 'Elephant Lady' - touché as always! Feeing unwell has had such an effect on my well-being, it has brought me right down to earth and I long to float back up to my former sexy love-being.
The whole experience of JFing was about all about introspection, and now I am sudden emerging from my cave shielding my eyes and having to engage with the world in itself. I am naturally disposed to shyness and introspection, I always have been. Thus, I form my own illusions of the world and reality often proves that the world is amalgamation of many different people's thoughts, energies and attitudes. By the same token, my perception of how things should be, does not necessarily accord with other people's desires and I have to find ways to accept people for who they are, not what I dream them up to be. The beauty of life is surfing on the waves, responding to each one as it comes with joyous creativity not trying to pierce through each one. Being positive provides me the tools with which to deal lovingly with others. But for me, more creativity is needed with the way I enage with people in the 'real world', and definitely an emphasis on play because I discover more and more that life is just a joyous game not to be taken seriously. People's negativity can be engaged with socially in a fun and understanding manner because we are all ony human afterall. My family have recently taken to calling me loony and regretting the loss of 'old Poppy', I joke back with them about this and I have noticed that it makes us much closer. Their opinion of me is not the sum of who I am, just their perception, all the more more fun! It would be boring if everyone was nice, and I was wonderful in the eyes of all I know, the fun is riding and playing in this humorous riddle of life.

I am less into words and introspection right now. I find great pleasure in using my body as a vehile of action. It disperses all my neurosis, fears and general chit-chat of the brain. I speak a lot usually but I find that my actions ought to speak much, much louder. I have also been let down recently by placing my hopes into what turns out to be empty promises. So now I just believe that we should act before we speak and use words as the summary of our findings. Maybe I will be blogging less for now, I am in a doing kind of phase.

I am staying in London for now, as some of you may have realised. I am still in love with my Parisian man, but I am not prepared to make the move back yet. Everyday, is a chance to rebuild our love, and that takes some work after the heartache of a separation, and the bad memories. But as I always maintain, with love and cooperation between two people, anything is possible. Sometimes, that isn't there for whatever reaons in which case you can't impose your beliefs on another, I have to learn to play more in the game with others and respond to their moves with openness. (I am a head-strong Arien dontcha know!) But I know that David loves me and I know that we want to be together. Soon come...

Spring Equinox and Giving

Friday is the Spring Equinox, and the the day that celebrates my 23 years around the sun, and Good Friday. I have been asking my mum about my birth today. I discovered that she was is labour with me and my brother for 24 hours. She lost consciousness right at the end, that was while my twin Seb was coming out, not me! She had to have a blood transfusion because she had lost so much blood, but she bravely refused to have a caesarian and would not take any pain killers, what a soldier! My brother and I were premature and jaundiced and had to spend the next month in hospital before my mother could take us home. She came every day to the hospital, to breast feed us through the day! I cried, apparently from the day that I emerged into the world and did not stop until I was into my sixth year. My mother remarked that I was shell shocked from our traumatic birth throughout my former years- I think she exaggerates a little. Funny talking about this event as 'our' birth- it renews the affection I have for Sebastian, my brother when I realise that we came out the womb together, and of course I am reminded an obvious point but somewhat elusive point, it was a moment that we also shred with our mother - I mean she pushed us out! Friday is therefore a celebration of the day of our physical union and I am so excited when I think of this joyous day in these renewed terms.

Talking to my mother for the first time about her experience of birth and bringing us up this morning revealed an excitement of perhaps enacting the same gift of love some day. I have no plans to have kids just yet, I must stress! I just feel comfortable with the idea, which is nice. Bringing a piece of love into the world and nurturing that through life. Reading John Coltrane's poem on the inside of the Love Supreme sleeve today I was touched by his message that The Creator creasted us with love and he says let us try to live up to that love. Isn't that beautiful? It emphasises the path of striving to be good to constantly trying to live up to His love; - a journey as it were more than a closed book. The constant effort of trying to be good through our wordly actions is an act of creation, giving thanks for our creation. Love fuels love. So our journey in life is filled with the pregnant potential to fullfill, to give to those around us and create greater joy to other on the planet, surpassing the difficulties by passing the beacon to others.

John Coltrane's Love Supreme is an act of love. I remember the first time I heard it, it was my first vinyl, given to me by my brother for my 11th Birthday. The felt tip words on the inside read "Dear Abby, With Deep Love, Your Darling Quinn." It wove a beautiful story into that weighty record, evoking a romantic reverie that excited my young imagination. I remember hearing it for the first time and thinking it was so weird, but resisting my first impressions, I closed my eyes and it was the first piece of music that transported me to a totally different place. It freed me, making me a little fearful, journeying deeper into the sound was almost like a sexual transition - it was so strange a liberating. I felt the powerful potential of music. I fell in love with jazz and soul music; Doug and Jean Carn, Coldcut, Grooverider, Moodyman, Pharoah Sanders, Rotary Connection... I remember going to jam session and getting really high on the music, the ambiance and the freedom of expressing one's feelings through sound. It was incredible. I inhaled the novels of James Baldwin, set in Harlem. I fell in love with Sonny's Blues and the concept that jazz was such a powerful form of expression, of dealing with raw emotion that that some musicians had no choice but to turn to drugs to supress the emerging fears that emerged from going so deep in their inner journey. As a teenager music was so charged with emotion for me that I sympathised wholly with this concept. Yet I lost the importance of music a little later but it starts to comes back to me again now. I begin to feel raw emotion coming through me now as I listen to music, I begin to feel a precious sensitivity unveiling itself and connecting me with the fire and passion I felt as a child. I love this interconnectedness; my mother, my childhood, my first record, my brother Jez's act of giving, John Coltrane's Love Supreme, his love of the Creator, his music as an act of spiritual love to the audience, Quinn and Abby, a romantic love, my first love affair of music, a love continuum . Everything feels very connected in this sense, just being conscious of the whole pattern. I think more a more about this in view of the video link that I posted yesterday. The point about Jill Bolte Taylor experiencing all beings as energy beings, all connected through the powerful separation of the right and left side of her brain just blew my brain away! I mean thats it for me, if we are energy beings, all connected then we just need to open ourselves up connecting more with each other through love. Thats the way we communicate and understand each other. We were created by love, and we must create with love, with acts of giving and kindness, dissolving the ego.

A quote by Eckart Tolle:

As you go more deeply into this state of no-mind, as it is sometimes called in the East, you realise the state of pure consciousness. In that state you feel your own presence with such intensity and such joy that all thinking, all emotions, your physical body, as we as the whole external world become relatively insignificant in comparison to it...It takes you beyond what you previously thought of as "yourself".

Catching Up

Sorry folks for leaving this a whole six days since I have posted.

I must have loads to catch up on. Firstly, now that the Juice Feast has finished and I am pressing on to a more active phase in my life I wanted to change the format of this blog. I am going to post less frequently and I shall be moving away from the whole foodlog and musings into more documentary and open discussions on whatever is going on in my life. No longer, splitting hairs on analysis of every though but rather sailing through the motions of life, observations, and sharing what moves, touches and inspires me in the momentary tides of every day.

Food is not a huge focus for me right now, I have found a balance which suits me; JFing for two days a week, 1l green juice and lemon water every day, with a big green salad, half an avo and hemp seed dressing at about 5pm. It works for me. Thats all I can say.

I have found a volunteering job, once a week teaching kids about natural farming near me. This is an amazing opportunity for me, the people that run the program believe that natural farming is a part of their spiritual practice, connecting with nature to observe the profound workings of the Universe - precisely an aspect that I connect with also! I am ecstatic and looking forward to learning so much more.

I will also be waitressing in Chad Sarno's new Raw Food Restaurant, Saf to open in London in two weeks' time. I can not wait for this! I hope this is going to do a wonderful service for developing the Raw Community in London and I am happy to be part of it. I think Gourmet Raw Food is great for breaking the fear factor for people transitioning from a standard, unhealthy diet to intense tasting living foods. Of course, I strongly advocate that this is however a stepping stone in the path to an optimal diet of fresh water dense greens, fruits and some seeds.

On the bus this morning, driving through heavy showers, I noticed a beautiful confetti scattering of pink blossom on the windows. This instantly touched me. I was reminded of Takeshi Kitano's film, Dolls which paints a beautiful portrait of beauty and dreams in the mysterious context and struggles of life. The film is filled with beautiful shots of Japanese Gardens and cherry blossom trees. A sudden magic filled my world, funny how moments like this take you to another space in your mind.

Talking of which I wanted to share these links with you:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UyyjU8fzEYU

http://kaleidos.org.uk/DOWNLOADS/part%20one.mp3

http://kaleidos.org.uk/DOWNLOADS/part%20two.mp3

These imply three very strong threads as far as I am concerned; firstly that the spiritual experience of joy is within us. We are all energy beings, connected to all the other energy in the world and we can access this open state by exploring the right hemisphere of the brain. Its there, within us and we have the power to access it. Secondly, the left-side of the brain has developed over time to 'malfunction', and in its impaired state control the right side of the brain leading to ego, fear and an impairment of creative potential. This prevents us from achieving our full potential, that is within us. Thirdly, the brain can be improved in returning to a more natural lifestyle, a more primitive based diet akin to what we ate formatively in the Rainforest, as that was when the brain worked optimally. This can bring us to a great spiritual union, bring greater joy and show us the way to enacting our lives in a harmonious and non-aggressive society. I hope you enjoy these links and am curious to know what you think??

I have been dabbling in cacao recently and am loving the high. I wouldn't do this too often but occasionally its a wonderful tool to bring on that 'love' feeling, increasing alertness, and making me very proactive in achieving my tasks. Today has wizzed by on cacoa, raspberry and hemp butter bliss!

Lastly, I have been tagged by the adorable Carrie to reveal five things about myself that YOU don't know! Firstly, my heritage is mixture of Tunisian, French, Russian, and Polish. Oh yet, I am an odd-bod and often told that "I aint British lookin ah'all". Number two, my surname is Smadja -(Tunisian origin), middle name: Dora (no idea!), and firstname well, Poppy (yes, as in the flower, yes it is my REAL name, yes it is marked that way on my passport and my birth certificate, and no my folks aren't hippies! Poppy Dora Smadja's nicknames: Wizadora, Poppalina, Popscicle, Popples, Pops, Popsta, Popcorn, Poppins, Smadj, Smudga, Badger (as in singing "everybody loves mashed potato"! 'THE' Bodger and Badger of kids' TV!),PoppyDora and of course, sweetheart, lovey and love ;)! Number three, raw food has had many effects on me; one was that I developed a much more meaningful understanding of sex, and I fell in love with children, see the wonderful and logical connections, here. Number four, I used to play saxonphone - alto and sorpano which hs fuelled my love of jazz, had yellow spikey hair, always a smart retort to everything and hated my twin brother - naturally I was nicknamed Lisa Simpson! Number five, my favourite places in the whole world are Marseille and Cornwall in winter - I love the drama of walking along vast rocky, and rustic beaches with the dramatic gusts of wind, crisp and punchy salt air in the nose, the intense rays of the winter sun glaring through heavy blue-grey clouds and the occasion splashes of rain as I reflect upon the immense power of the vast ocean. Blissful!!

I have tagged Keiko, Heidi, Angela, Jenna and Kelly.

Hugs... xxx

Feast-Break and Reflections

Draped under two thick woolly covers as rainstorms fill the night sky, I am finding solace in today's juice feasting magic whilst I sip on a warm jar of fresh nettle, mint and raw honey and reflect back over the last week's feast breaking experience. I wanted to write a bit prosaically abour the physical transition back on to food. I hope there are some people out there that will be able to glean something useful from my personal reflections because frankly, this week has been one big tumultuous ride and quite far from the joyful celebration of re-integrating solids back into my diet that I had percipitated. The simple process of juggling so many contrasting ideas, whilst trying to listen to the newborn and deeply sensitive persona of my real nutrtional needs has been challenging and emotionally confusing. I have been contemplating all sorts of contrasting ideas; systematic underreating, rebuilding my strength with four means to get your greens, listening to my body's reduced appetite whilst trying in vain to rekindle a forgotten friendship with food, and returning to Juice Feasting for another 40 days. I have now reached a plateau where my body feels dehydrated without at least a gallon of water and juice a day and I still retain an emphatic desire to continue feeling better and better, confounded by the fact that little by litte my body feels less healthy on solids.

My first advice for fest-breakers based on my experience would be to slow down post-feast and calm the mind. There are so many predicted notions of how the feast-break is going to be, that when it does come around you may experience disappointment in its digression from your expectations. This last week has been somewhat anti-climatic for me in this respect. I believe that this is the most important part of the whole feast and needs to be administered with deep care and attention.

I have noticed two things; I am virtually Phase 1 now; I have absolutely no desire for fruits whatsoever. This can be a little destabilising because a part of my mind wants to reinitiate the comfort relationship with food that I had before. Ironically, food doesn't turn me on in the same way. When I am hungry I eat, all too soon I am satiated and then I am left feeling bewildered as to why that meal did not provide me with emotional and physical satisfaction that I was desiring. I have no desire to prolong the experience with dessert, and thus I am left feeling a little high and dry. On top of that, I reject the idea of rekindling the flame with gourmet raw food - I even tried some cacao the other day and...nothing!!


The next thing is my digestive system has not been as smooth as I had expected, there is a fair amount of grumbling going on after each meal and I feel a little tired. I actually feel ten-times better after a green juice. And this is is exactly where I am going now! Green smoothies also seem a little taxing but after a green juice I feel positively high and in love with life. After two quarts of these and one quart of lemon water, I have almost enough energy and so much tangible joy to get me bouncing through the day. So, I have strongly considered going back on the juices. A part of me wants to get my digestive system used to food first, just to be sure that everything is ok. So for now I am doing half a gallon of green juice and a small salad, with lots of warm water. I also have to acknowledge that I took my feast too far, for whatever reason and experienced some nausea and light-headedness even post-feast. So there may be a part of me that is still recovering, making this experience a little more unique. I do hope so, to ensure that feast breaking is a little more joyous for others. I am glad that I am taking it slowly back to the world of food, because if my stomach was a match for my mind pre-feast, I might be suffering the physical effects right now.

Juice Feasting today was magical!!

I had 3l Spinach, Parsley, Coriander, Carrot, Celery and Apple Juice...heaven!
1l Lemon, MSM, Water
1l Fresh Nettle Tea (baby nettles are poking their heads up all over the place!!)
2l Fresh Mint, Nettle and Honey Tea

Tomorrow may be another one of those juicing days, we will see..

Reflections on Sustainable Living

Today has been one of those grey, misty uninviting days, where I long for a few precious drops of sunshine on my tongue. Mistiness has given way to some (more!) deep reflection. I have to say that I can't feel that I am flying just yet. I am still in a very deep process of sifting and understanding myself. I am questioning London, Paris and the consumerist world I inahbit. I wonder what pleasure, and quality of life the city holds when I naturally yearn for nature. I am in love with trees, plants, open landscapes and fresh air. I feel such a connection with this when I start to put fresh living greens in my body that even the nettles on the sidewalk vibrate to me with newfound life and meaning.

I yearn to live in the countryside, to find the space be self-sufficient, to stop investing my time and money in a mechanical way of living that I feel ultimately detached from. And yet I have some social ties that keep me here, love for example. I wonder if I should accept my fate, as all spiritual paths and creativley optimise what I have, thereby leading the way for others in the same situation - paving alternative ways of living in the city, as many already do. Yet I am alarmed at the efforts I invoke to fund my lifestyle; alternative living in the city is so very expensive. I work so hard just to eat the untreated greens that grow in nature, and so much of my money goes through a middleman and passes into a system that is not about cooperative living but that fuels competition, and one-upmanship. For example I beleive that we are wasting so much time, throwing our money elsewhere to the supermarkets, the global corporations and to imported goods that we lose sense of giving back to our communities and optimising our energies. I am thinking of Permaculture principles here, what if we could go back to a time when I swapped the surplus of carrots in my back garden for some of your excess walnuts and apples. We could minimalise waste too, think how much produce is wasted by supermarkets overstocking to feed the masses. These are all vague ideas, but I really start to believe that we should be recultivating land that has been degraded through disrespect, on lovingly small scales, investing back into our communities and soil, and beginning to be self-sufficient and knowledgeable, developing closer connections between each other.

I live in a tightly packed city and yet I work hard to develop a connection with my neighbour because we live distant lives and rarely have the opportunity to engage. I need to work sixty hours a week, just to feed and house my own back, and those hours to me seems to brutally squander the preciousness of minutes. I want to be optimising my time doing the things that I believe in. I find this hard to do considering the hours that I have to work. When I spent my summer WWOOFING in a self-sustainable community it was a moment of enlightenment, a truly Edenic experience. I worked 6 hours a day doing the things I loved, connecting and observing nature, and contributing to the community that lived there; feeling amazing joy and clarity, and reaping the pleasures that nature gives back. Life in the city since, has been a little confused. I question why I continue to contribute mindlessly to this dysfunctional community. I need to either find a way of making meaning from the raw materials that I have been given and stick to that, making the changes that I want to see where I am or follow my dreams.

Today I had:

3l Warm Water and Lemon Juice
Small Wilted Spinach, Rocket, Lamb's Lettuce and Microgreens with Nori
2l Green Juice

Still not feeling wonderfully enthused about food...don't know why but no big deal. Keeping it liquid.

Revved Up

Now by body has readjusting to food, (finally!) I seem to be going into serious energy overdrive, like a revved up motor that has just received another dose of fuel thrown on to the fire. I do not know what to do with myself, it seems I have waaaay too much time with myself and far too many questions circling in my head. I need to sit down and think now, breathe, inahle and relax. the most important thing for me to address now is all these ideas spinning around me, they need to be moved into motions. The feast was all about elevating myself from the wintry cave in my mind, seeking inspiration, refocusing and gaining the confidence to act upon my desires. Now is essentially about striking while the iron's still hot thus respecting the glorious life-affirming postivity of mind that the juicefeast allowed me to connect with. I am so happy for many things right now, above all for the connection I feel with other people, giving and receiving novel acts of kindness. I smile ten times more than I ever have and have the ooomph of a fired up kid. I need to be moving from London within the next week or so and pressing on with my life, drawing my paths in the sand.

Juice breaking is still weird. My eyes have a huge apetite and yet my stomach wants very little. After my water lemon and MSM combo, 1l Green Juice in the morning I am not hungry again until 6pm at which point I wolf down a small cucumber, seaweed and tomato salad and then thats it for the day. The salads are divine, but food is really not what it was cracked up to be for all the duration of the feast. Neither do I remember ever being so detached from food in my life. And its quite scary because it leaves me a lof of spare time on top of my minimal sleeping hours. I am very nostalgic about juicing. I feel like I want to jump back in or at least do half a week juicing, half on solids.

I am craving Spring, for renewal and sunlight and fresh air and running outdoors. I find that I am always cold especially with all the green juices and smoothies and desire more than ever to bathe in blissful sunshine. I have been reading extracts of Arnold Ehret's "Ratinal Fasting" and I am bowled over by the clarity of his system; fresh air, sun bathing, singing, walking, mental purity and exhileration of the mind are all essential factors for optimal living. I know I have the diet factor nailed for the time being, but I want to expand so much more on the other aspects. I love nature, but I rarely respect my desire to immerse myself fully in natural settings for long enough periods of times. I do miss that. See where I am going with this? Hm.

Today I had:

1l Lemon and MSM Water
1l Pure Water with Psyllium
1l Carrot and Spinach Juice
Handful Grapes
1 Persimmom Fruit
Cucumber, Tomato, Dulse, Paprika, Lemon Juice and Garlic Salad with Microgreens
100ml Green Smoothie...(made a litre but was waaay to full to drink all this)

Transitioning Back

Well, I have been letting the blogging go a little of late! Naughty me. I shall explain why. I have had such a roller-coaster of the past two days post-feast that I wasn't quite ready to share my experiences until I had properly evaluated and understood them. Now, I feel that I can safely say that these past two days have thrown up collectively more crap than some of the most intense days I had fasting. It feels like soaked prunes and the re-introduction of food to the mind have created a whole minefield of stored emotions that have emerged to the psyche with a renewed force. On top of that juicing was like a panacea to negativity, and suddenly I am like a child alone on her two feet fending for herself without support. The strength I have lies deeper within and I need to search deeper for it.

Food was, for the first two days and to my great suprise somewhat less appealing than the sublime lanscape that I had mapped out in my mind for fifty days. My taste-buds are amazing and yet I feel that I have no strong desire for any of the things I am eating. I crave salad; clover, romaine, baby spinach, mizuna, rocket, drizzled with olive oil and lemon juice, olives, tahini, seaweed, avocado and all the sophisticated dleights that await me in a few days. I know I soundlike an ingrat, but regarding the juicy fruits and soaked prunes, I could happily pass these over. Juice has had more appeal yet I am surprised not to pounce on the solids and to feel a little deprived of the big salad that I desire!! Today I introduced wonderful cucumbers, grated and juicy with tomatoes into my diet, drizzled with lemon juice, paprika and garlic. This may be a little premature but I was craving a salad of sorts - and it was truly worth it. I have re-connected with the hungry feeding giant inside of me and felt truly gratified. I think I needed that little treat post-feast to celebrate. And I was so full so quickly.

Yesterday I spend most of the evening on the toilet, and gave myself a colonic because there was so much more to come. The prunes seemed to have pushed out some ancient artefacts lodged inside of me and the release was incredible. I think the next few days will be coming to terms with all of this and readjusting. I am continuing to juice and buy bulk produce from the market and I feel very dehydrated without 1l liquid/day. I am even contemplating whether or not we really need food as human beings, it seems so complicated. Juice feels right, empowering, and light while food feels a little more social. I think that the former will remain a siginificant part of my life from now on.

Today I was given an open occasion to reflect on many year gone by. I had to sort out clean all the stored boxes from our former family home. Going through all the souvenirs of my childhood I was surpised to feel regret at the time squandered with sadness, and misplaced hope. I wouldn't be where I am now if I had not gone through what I had but I really wish that other kids don't have to fight with the depression and hopelessness of living that I felt as a kid. I threw away all my artwork from college because it seemed all so utterly misplaced in its futility and self-inflicted suffering and at odds with what I beleive in -there is meaning in everything, God and love all around, I hope to teach kids the joy in seeking joy and the love in seeking love as I develop ways in my own right to continue living each day as a blessing.

Yesterday I had

Soaked Prunes and Soak Water
350ml Amazing Kale Blood Orange and Kohlrabi Smoothie (from Inspiral Lounge, Camden High Street)
500ml Spinach, Apple and Berry Green Smoothie
1.5l Spring Greens, Apple, Carrot, Celery and Ginger Water
1.5l Pure Water
1l Lemon, Ginger, MSM Water
Supplements: B12, Probiotics, Psyllium Husks, Cascara Sagrada
Enema (most intense ever)

Today I had

1l Lemon Water with MSM
1l Blood Orange, Celery and Basil Juice
1l Green Juice with Spinach, Basil, Orange and Kiwi
A Handful of Grapes
Half a Grated Cucumber(deseeded), Some Cherry Tomatoes (deseeded), Lemon Juice, Paprika and Finely Grated Garlic
Supplements: B12 and Probiotics

Going Forth with Prunes

I didn't have a chance to write yesterday as my computer has crashed and I like to take my time to write my posts ;). I have some news to break, and it comes with a little trepidation to announce that I have be moved away from the juicing community and back to solids. This all feels very sudden to me but I know that my body had moved out of the cleansing phase these past four days and that I had reached a plateau. I have lost my appetite and am feeling weak and dizzy with headaches. My first reaction was to question what I had done wrong, sifting through all the possible traps to suggest why I couldn't go just a little bit longer. Now, Carrie summed it up just perfectly for me, "numbers mean nought", when the body is ready to move on you better well listen to those signs, or you risk doing yourself some harm. Because this process is exactly about reconnecting with the messages that the body gives and creating a loving relationship between actions and effects, internally, externally and outwardly. Thus its seems that there is no fixed time, just tune in to your intuition. Feasting is tool that I will use time and time again, and I think that each one must vary so much with regards to results and time sequences. Thats what I enjoy so much, you can focus on what you want from the process, invest love, positivity and work hard to sustain it but you can't help but love the twists and turns and changes that this process reveals. It is never ending and you never, never really know what stored emotions, matter, inspirations or forgotten passions are to emerge to the surface next. The key for me has been to love the process and relish each day, and I feel that I have got so much love back - its all a bit Solaris-esque!

If I am honest, it was a little bit of a struggle to pull myself away from the feast. I am still coming to terms with it. It has been such a wonderful holiday in this marvellous community that I did not want it to end. I know that 92 days is just a number, and the process varies for each person but I relished the time set aside during that period to savour the experience, to go deeper spiritually and to 'selfishly' indulge in my own 'quest' - so to speak. I was not prepared mentally for the end, it sprung up on me like, for lack of a better expression, what an inexperienced teenage boy must experience when the act of lovemaking is comes to an end prematurely. This particular experience has certainly been of great intensity but oh, how I wish I could spend a little moment longer lanuguishing in its palpable joy. I feel better in making an acknowledgement that there is no 'end' to becoming a better, more receptive and more giving person, this journey has simply been the opening of the door into a Wonderland that I am free to explore because I have envisioned it and now have the key to it. It is still part of me. It is now more a question of using the spiritual tools I have gleaned such as postive thinking to tap into the infinite flow of love inside and outside to guide me towards the things that I truly want to do. I intend to teach what I have learned and lean towards a working vocation in Natural Health. I am keen to practise sustainable living and natural farming, and I want to practise open and loving communication with others. I feel blessed to have met all you other wonderful people who share the same vision as I, as it has renewed and fuelled my faith in this path, I do hope we can all meet up one day!!

Yesterday was a day of deep reflection for me. I knew when I woke up that it was soon time to break the feast, and I wanted to express gratitude for all that this process had given me. It was perhaps the most joyful day so far of the whole feast. I was very light for not having drunk enough juice, and as such I felt such an open channel to my heart, I was smiling all day. I don't think I have ever smiled so much at the world in all my life as I have these last two months! I am so grateful for this juice feast to have got me out of a rut, feeling out of touch with the world, frustrated in my relationships with many people, helpless, joyless, directionless, foggy and confused. The change has been immense. Losing weight was also a focus at the beginning though to be honest I don't think I have lost much at all. And ironically it is so far from my mind now, I have learnt to love myself, and acceptance of my body is a part of that. I feel good acknowledging that I am more a Betty Page kinda girl, and feeling very beautiful on that point. There have been a few challenges on the way, but they all seem to be for the better. Namely, my family's issue with my lifestyle is no longer a problem for me. My confronting them, has forced me to open up instead of hiding behind cached versions of me, and has allowed me to discuss and understand their concerns, creating a more profound link with honesty. I feel so much less fearful in my approach problems, and know that if I want something now, I have to ask for it. And that goes for love too.

Diet-wise I never thought I would say this but I am going to keep it very liquid for the time being, juice feasting once a week and continuing with the Lemon Water MSM, 1l Green Juice and Skin Brushing as a daily routine. I also look forward to continuing to support my local farmers, and feel very confident in the effect of the Global Juice Feast on the farming communities - lets continue to create waves!

Prunes this morning was a little bit of an anti-climax. I jumped out of bed at the crack of dawn with an excitement akin to those tingles I had as a kid when Christmas sprung up. I did my Lemon Water MSM and cracked of into the woods for a very magical reunion with my beloved food. The taste was just not how I remembered them but I put this down to my body being a little off right now, not having much of an apetite. The sweetness was very sickly and I was so very thirsty after, even after drinking all the soak water. I was craving a geen juice for balance! So thats what I did and then I decided that magical Green Juice is going to remain a staple part of my diet for the forseeable future.

I know this post is a bit long - I just wanted to languish in the joyous ecstacy of these past 49 days a little longer. Now, to embrace the next step of this journey, still peeling at the layers of this great big onion.

One big thank you, for the lovely bloggers who contributed their time, knowledge and support and comments - you guys, have been of unquestionable strength to me throughout this, and to the Global Juice Feasters, I look forward to following you all through this hero's journey. But most of all to David and Katrina, you have given me such a wonderful tool in my life, I will always be grateful to you for your knowledge, research and for spreading this message of love.

Ecstatic Blissful Love...

Today I had

1l Lemon Water, MSM and Cayenne
Prunes and Soak Water
1.5l Spring Greens, Cucumber and Apple Juice


Yesterday I had

3l Lemon Water, Ginger and MSM
0.8l Pinapple, Kale, Cucumber and Celery Juice

Finding Strength, Day 48

I am happy to report that I am nearly back on form. I had not drunk any juice is 48 hours but tonight I managed or am in the process of downing almost 3 litres, now ain't that a feat! On top of that yesterday I could barely walk, and I nearly passed out getting out the bath but today I managed to walk 2km with three bags full of juice produce! Hurray, how the body heals with a little bit of love and rest. Thank you all for your lovely, lovely comments - I am so grateful to be part of such a loving community. I am all love again, which is such a transformation as I had a harsh reminder yesterday of how when the body suffers, it is hard for the mind to stay positive. I emailed David and Katrina Rainoshek today for some advice, as I was starting to feel concerned. I was absolutely touched by their kindness and the generosity of their advice - they are such lovely beings, and I feel like part of a big, loving juicy family. Honestly it is loving bods like these who can really make a change in the world, I strongly believe in that and I am so excited to be part of the Global Juice Feast, we are physically enacting in ourselves the change that we want to see in the world, leading by example. I really hope that this blip is just a healing crisis that will pass with time. David advised me that I should not really be water fasting at this stage in the feast, so I am making a big effort to regain my appetite for juice, starting with the sweeties, tonight. I am also going to take some B12, because I might have a deficiency here. I am, however open to the possibility that I might break the feast if I don't feel better in a few days. We will see how it goes. I think the important is being open to your body, she knows best and will guide me towards the right decision with due course.
This juice feasting experience has been absolutely magical, I relish each day seeing another layer unravel, going deeper into the space in my heart and feeling love and joy. There is also safety in juicing, I don't need to think about food, and when I am hungry I just sip a juice and I feel instantly better - no bad food combinations, no overeating, no questioning whether I am hungry or just thirsty, more space in my head, more time and such clarity of thought. Now I am in the swing of things, juicing feels so effortless. Obviously, the journey will continue on the other side but I just hope that my time to break has not come yet! On the other hand, I feel that so much has changed for me during this period that I ought to count my blessings for achieving so much, so far and tuck away that ego! I will be gaging it over the next few days with the help of the lovely Rainosheks!
Yesterday I had a little winge about my family's support. My dad's girlfriend later remarked that she had noticed my skin looking radiant (she is a former beautician) and that I looked slim and healthy. This little comment changed my dad's perspective and today we actually managed to have an open discussion about the feast and I felt a little more support and receptivity. I am thrilled about this and happy to demonstrate the positive health effects through wordless motions. It proves potential in every situation if you invest the faith of your conviction.
On that tip, I am happy to announce a reconciliation between my other half and I. As I once expressed, he is a beautiful angel but I found then that the situation was not working. This is not in keeping with my mode of thought that with love and openness, everything is possible. I believe that when you give your love to somebody, that you do everything in your power to keep that love. Love is sacred, a blessing and a gift from God - in love all things are possible. I feel deep remorse for walking away from that, for succumbing to my feelings of hopelessness. Nothing is hopeless unless you deem it be so. We are creative beings, and are responsible for the conditions we create in our lives. Isn't that empowering to know? I have had a moment to reflect and some space but with greater clarity I can see that I do not want the love that we built to die. We created that love like a child and it is our responsibility to conserve it. Our conversations touch me immensely now, I feel hope for our future together and joy in the act of rebuilding love, an infinite source of energy, like the sun. Many of the things I say now were taught to me by David, a deeply spiritual and beautiful person. I am lucky to have found him and intent on keeping him in my life.

Phew, what a post. All this love talk is making me feel much more vibrant and alive!

Today I had:

2l Orange, Grapefruit and Lemon Juice (my favourite!)
1l Carrot Juice
Enema and many hot baths!
I mean to go back on to strengthening green juice tomorrow, I was just taking it easy with some comfort juice today.

Challenges

Today is Day 46 and is the first encounter of a real challenge to come my way since the start. I feel absolutely dire, dizzy spells, weakness, chills, headaches and teariness. I could barely get out of bed into a hot bath this morning, but I managed with little, light steps and even managed to register an enema. On top of that, my family have picked up on this occasion to express their concern about this juice feast. It took great force to have to explain this process as a 'journey' that may encounter a few blips, though which are integral to the cleansing process, in order to experience greater health and joy on all levels - and that I have sufficient knowledge of this process to pursue it without any danger to myself. I didn't feel that they were convinced, as they insisted that I should break it. I explained that I had cured a lifetime of depression, with my first juice feast amongst other things and that I wanted to go even further into the process this time around. My father's response was "I feel joy when I am eating a pizza and a cheesecake", which closed the argument for me. There is nothing more I can say, but it hurts me to see that they disapprove of my actions. I feel that since I have been following a more holistic, natural way of living, that my family have detached a little from me. I am very clear of my thoughts, and more conscious about the impact of negative thought on life. I am not active in the group moaning and bitching sessions that have been paradigm for our interaction as a family for most of my life. And everything I choose to do, for example studying Natural Nutrition next year is plagued with their dismissal and doubt. I have been lumped with my mother - a complementary health practitioner - in the 'airy-fairy' category, which is, shockingly, a huge rejection from my two brothers and my father. Unfortunately my mother also thinks that this juice feast is all a bit too extreme. I would like them to understand that I have experienced the lightness and love of this world for the first time in all my life on this nutritional path. It has opened the door to living in synchronisty and harmony with life, and placed me in alignment with God.

My first juice fast was the first time in my life that I woke up with gratitude to be alive, is that not a feat worthy of praise? I began to love myself, love other people and open up to the beautiful energy inherent in children. I began to love nature, and feel a deeper respect for her wisdom. And I began to feel confident in my own unique path as a human being, and proud to be part of the dance of life. I would love to convince the world of the manifold solutions to the negativity and problems we live today can be resolved through natural nutrition, loving openness to each other and respect for nature and Universal Love. It starts with a few conscious seeds to be sown with openness. But the biggest poison is doubt which has, conversely plagued my own former years and which I believe is quite prevalent as a habit that goes without questioning. I am not saying that I am above all this, quite the contrary, it is a constant struggle for me, as I was the worst of all hardened cynics that you could possible encounter. But thats not the point, it is about being aware of your thoughts more than anything, consciousness is key. I am dedicated to searching, unraveling the layers and going deeper into my conditioning; and thats what this juice feast is about. Nonetheless sometimes words don't cut it, you have to experience it to know how deep this process goes - I only wish that it would not put the backs up of those around me. I am not posing a threat to them, I am simply following a path that I feel to be right for me. Love, Poppy

Today:

Enema, Skin Brush and Warm Bath
1l Fresh Sage and Mint Tea

A little postscript about trusting your body. I suppose when you suffer a detox crisis, you may be tempted to think that the Juice Feast doesn't work, afterall why should it make you ill? I am reminded in investing the same faith the wisdom of your body and we should invest into the knowledge of nature - I think of organic farming, for example. How often have we inflicted pain on the soil, in thinking that the chemicals we apply and unnatural mono-culture systems improve the quality of our produce? People are beginning to understand now that working with nature, improves the bounty that she offers us, in turn improving our relationship with her and continually regenerating the soil. Faith and respect are key - trusting that the wisdom of our bodies to heal and know itself is greater than what we think we know.