Floods of Emotions

Today I lost my temper. Funny how one little outburst can eclipse for a moment all good intentions and self-righteousness - re: yesterday's post. This juice feasting sometimes gives me an amazing surge of confidence, newfound strength that I feel like I can take anything on. Letting go of my defenses, I permit myself to take on the world bare-knuckled, horns locked and engaged with the enemy. Its tough out there, people can be very irresponsible with their emotions, but for one minute today I thought I can take this, and even turn it around. Its an exercise I am trying to practise at the moment; taking negative thoughts and turning them around to their best advantage. Alas, I realise that in confronting certain energies, you further emphasise and accentuate their presence. Today, I ought to have let go of some aggression that I received, allowing it to disperse in its trajectory. But, willfully I took it on the chin, and decided to go with it. It felt like I had just swallowed poison, I couldn't get this event out of my head and the world suddenly turned grey. From then on for the rest of the day, everything went wrong and I felt like the whole world had turned against me. I finally erupted with an implosive bitches tantrum much to the displeasure of my poor chap - I just had to let it out! I realise now that I was unconsciously dealing with some issues. This is why the world seemed so grey; it was only reflecting back some of my own insecurities. Funnily enough, this morning I felt euphoric, on top and yet I think simulaneously there were some shifts going on underneath the surface that I was not so conscious of. Thus with that one little tantrum, I suddenly deblocked a whole host of feelings that came flooding out later as I did an enema. And I saw a few pertinent issues becoming lucid before my eyes as I took water deeper into my colon. I noted them and then let go of them and the accompanying feelings of guilt. It was incredible, can I say spiritual? I felt gratitude for these tumultuous emotions, and I let go of them in exchange for further insight and clarity. I feel clearer now, and a new wave of joy. I can breathe deeper, my skin is glowing, and I feel lighter and more energetic. The joy of shedding layers. Its 5am, and am still wide awake. Oops!

Today I had:

Enema and Skin Brushing
2l Romaine and Carrot Juice (It does really taste like choc milk! How's that?)
0.5l Grapefruit Juice
1l Celery, Cucumber, Parsley, Apple Juice
500ml Peppermint Tea
200ml Lemon, Honey (naughty), Cinnamon Water
1l Pure Water with Psyllium

Parisian Temptation

Yesterday was difficult so I did not post. I feel that I started with such an airy prelude of proclaiming the joys of juice feasting that I might have overridden the difficulties of this process. I now notice that I was very centred about the physical aspects of this feast that I forgot what I now realise to be a defining aspect of this feast; awareness and control of the mind. Suki left a beautiful quote..."if you’ve lost all will & control, they come back when you fast, like soldiers appearing out of the ground, pennants flying above them" , which now seems very pertinent to me. I love how reading other people's blogs connects with your ideas at a particular moment, or gently dislodges an idea in your head that may later fully emerge. I love writing blogs because I start to understand my thought process better, to filter out the positive aspects of my thoughts, and in turn a lesson in controlling my thoughts.

Yesterday, I repeat was a very difficult day. I didn't have time to take any juice with me to work and, by the end of the afternoon I had driven myself into a mental frenzy of self-doubt and was out of control. Paris is a veritable labyrinth of three-dimensional food pornography and I had such a problem walking from work to the metro bearing the begrudging complaints of my empty stomach while Paris-Brest's seemed to be performing Burlesque stipteases before my very eyes. I came home, drank copious green juice and gave myself an enema, going to bed pale, nauseous and self-pitiful. For one, I am happy that yesterday I might just have experienced a degree of my first detox crisis - these I behold with the anticipation of an 11 year old awaiting her first period. But moreover I feel glad to have got through the emotional hardship of yesterday because that was the challenge I really needed. The temptations of the mind, through habit or through defensive mechanisms are the hardest to overcome. I believe that when you can control doubt and negativity and turn these into positive thoughts, you can gain great compassion and love for humanity. More than that, you can allow others to love you back and show people a deeper way of connecting together, not working against each other. I read recently that in Tibetan religion, the world is simply composed of thoughts, learning to control, and transforming the message that you give out can have a huge impact on fellow beings. So, while this feast itself is in itself a dietary exercise through the privation of solids, it is much more, allowing my mind to sift through blockages, dealing with attachment to food, comfort zones, self-doubts, and a whole of emotional layers that were converged in my mind. My dreams seems to be vividly covering and blasting through mounds of lost happenings and right now I feel very raw. I think the euphoria that occurs later in the fast is the freedom that emerges from the success of overcoming failings, weaknesses and basically confronting the demons. This is motivated by the inner strength that reveals itself on the difficult days and gains momentum the further you go into your blockages. There is no doubt a physical aspect, and I see the colon and mind are conjoined but I choose not to focus on this aspect, because I want to focus on my thoughts for now. Neeta showed me a wonderful example of this strength the other day, and I have no doubt that I will begin to grow in strength as the feast begins. I am grateful to have had to deal with yesterdays predicament because its only through the struggles that you gain full awareness of what you need to overcome. And I feel there's so far to go, I am glad still to be hanging on in there.

Blessings,

Poppy


Yesterday I had:
2l Lettuce, Parsley, Celery, Apple Lemon Juice (Brrrr..)
1l Pure Water with Psyllium and Lemon Juice
500ml Peppermint Tea
Enema and Skin Brush

Today I had:
1l Tomato, Celery, Cucumber, Parsley
1l Apple, Celery, Cucumber Juice
1l Pineapple, Cucumber Juice
1l Carrot, Parsley, Celery Juice
1l Pure Water with Lemon Juice and MSM
1l Peppermint Tea

Feasting in Winter

One of the reasons I started this feast was that I was becoming a little resigned, even bored of eating raw foods in winter that I was making bad food choices, which in turn was leading to depression. I have never been into complex raw preparations, as they leave me feeling sluggish and I also have quibbles about eating out of season that I was feeling pretty restricted about the variety of raw foods winter had to offer. Incidentally I am more and more convinced that the raw diet is better suited to the tropics or warmer climates. I concluded that juicing would bring me back to, and focus my mind on the essential.

Throughout this feast I have tried as much as possible to get my produce locally from my 'maraicher' in my local market. But I can't keep away from the pineapples, fresh coconuts and what have you in the exotic supermarkets to add a little 'treat' to my day in terms of juice. My routine combinations of lettuce, parsley, kale, celery, apples and pears verge on the realms of deprivation unless I allow myself to throw in a bunch of pineapples, grapefruits, oranges, and as of today..tomatoes! I have never, until now bought a tomato in mid-winter but today I just felt like I had, had to have a tomato gazpacho type juice! It may well be the sunshine peeking through the clouds that is confusing my mind. One of the big dilemmas for me has always been raw vegan and buying locally and in season. I once read that Tibetan monks eat meat due to the lack of local produce availale in the Himalayan mountains - now that was a shock to the system!

My mind is actively drifting to the time where I will be able to live freely in 'nature', in sunny climes where fruit grows abundantly. For now, I have to, for want of repeating my mantra, enjoy the present and be grateful for where I am right now. And I will stop beating myself up about the occasional exotic fruit - its all about little steps. And I enjoy the fact that I shall be breaking this fast in Spring; sunshine, and water-rich abundant produce! And here my mind transgresses once again! Is anyone else experiencing such excitement of the imagination? Dormant pleasure are awaking and I am suddenly excited about doing so many things that my mind can not stay still for one moment. And my dreams, well I won't even go there! Now, where am I going to focus all this energy into??

Today I had:

1l orange juice
1l tomato, celery, garlic, ginger, parsley cucumber juice (sublime!)
0.8l fennel, celery, pear juice
0.8l romaine, apple, beetroot juice
0.5l pure water with psyllium husks

Feasting and Fukuoka

It can be a little daunting to think that I have made a 'commitment' to this feast for a period of 92 days. Despite knowing that it is better situate myself in the centre of the experience and enjoy its duration, my mind cannot help creeping forward in premature anticipation of the 'break'. Memories of ending previous feasts, with all the intensity of smell and taste and passion infuse my thoughts with delight. 92 days equates one whole season and feels at this moment of time, far. Yet, I am eleven days in already, and quite honestly, it has passed like a single drop of rain. It feels now, like I am swimming the sea. Peering from the shore, the ocean seems so vast, and yet when I look back, what seems like a second later, I am far from the shore, bathing in deep waters and its a very long way back. Solid food, now seems a little strange, almost alien to me. The reflex of just putting something straight in my mouth, without questioning for a slight hankering of what I think will give me pleasure and silence my mind, is now replaced by deep thought and consideration for my body's needs. Right now, trying to understand more deeply the connection between food and my state of being. I learn that kale/lettuce juices calm and balance, kiwis bring me a burst of energy, oranges bring me warmth (albeit sunshine), and cucumber is very cleansing. It is wonderful to simplify things to such a level that you really have the time to meditate on your thoughts, feelings, reactions. I have a great desire to understand why I react in certain ways, excitement, fears, sadness. To learn to work with my body and not against it. It reminds me of Masanobu Fukuoka who developed a natural farming method that insisted that nature thrived best through effectively being 'left alone', no pesticides, no drastic pruning, no weeding, no tilling, no machinery, in other words, nature knows best. For many years he just observed his father's orchards and came to the conclusion that ''If we allow it to be completely free, a perfect nature will come back.''And through his natural farming methods, his gardens thrived naturally to great disbelief in the scientific world. Nature is a great metaphor for me, I think we can learn a lot through connecting with her intricate web. I feel like I am honoring my body, by giving her a chance to reinvigorate, rest, and repair. I feel that my fears about the length of this journey can be subdued my instilling once again this faith that my body knows best. Just enjoying breathing air, stimulating the visual senses with beautiful walks in nature, hydrating the body, and aligning the mind. Peacefulness and pure joy.

Today:
Enema and Skin Brush
Psyllium Husks and Water
1.5l Kale, Ginger and Apple Juice
1.5l Cucumber, Pear Juice (Delicious!)
0.5l Orange Juice with Sea Greens
1 x Green Thai Coconut Water
0.3l Peppermint Tea
0.3 Lemon and Ginger Water

Freedom Thoughts

I received these beautiful words from Shazzie today: Jack Kerouac knew... "When a baby is born, he goes to sleep and dreams the dream of life. When he dies and is buried in his grave he awakens to Eternal Ecstasy. And when all is said and done, nothing matters." Just wonderful words to match my mood. Freedom from fear opens you up to the magical mystery of life. I think every day should be questioning your fears or instilled ideas to open yourself to life, living openly with appreciation and gratitude for each kaleidoscopic second that life performs in front of your eyes. Observation is a deep prayer, taking in the joys of life. I enjoy the sharpness of my senses on the feast. Smell, them most primordial of senses becomes clearer. My perception of the world around me becomes more acute - I feel much more aware of the details that seem so often to pass over my head, the beauty of joggers exhaling the dewy morning air, the rustle of wind through the trees, children (they are so much more beautiful) and clear-blue sunlit skies that open up the crisp air of fine January days. I sat in the Luxembourg gardens today sipping my mood enhancing green juice watching 'Bourgeois-Boheme' Parisians walking, cheeks healthy and rosy from respiring the fresh air and the world seems like a very pleasant place to be. Its funny, when I am in this state, it seems so irrefutable that ever day should be felt with the same immeasurable joy. Why I don't seem to be able to sustain this is so far a mystery, but I am working on it. I feel juicing allows me to sustain these feelings of clarity. I really want to put my energy into finding this, during and prior to the feast. Its the most important goal for me. Music seems to be swimming around my head a lot right now, I have tunes coming up in my mind just like that, and so much that I listen is touching my soul and making be happy. Memories become vivid, as do dreams, and I can feel something that has been lodged in me for a while, arise and leave, just like a dream. Why one thought or another arises is a mystery, but it comes to me for a reason and then departs, just like a dream.

Today:
Skin Brush
1.5l kale, lettuce, parsley, cucumber lemon juice
800ml apple, celery juice
1l pinapple apple juice
2 x fresh coconut water
1l pure water
500ml anise, cinnamon, cardamom, fennel infused warm water

Finding Tracks, Days 9+10

I really am starting to find the juice feasting to become second nature. Its so liberating to be free of solid food, to know that I can function optimally on liquid; its just another deconstruction of an instilled fact that frees my perception of what I am truly capable of. If I can go without solids for a period of time, what else can I do? I love sipping on my green juices in the morning, they feel so empowering - like magic liquid. It feels wonderful to be putting strength and nutrients in my body. Its funny how my body temperature changes as I drink the green juices, as does my mood: much calmer. I feel in sync, for lack of a better expression, with the world. I love that more and more people are starting to juice feast; to share the experience together. Such positivity can only reach out towards more people, and it will become more powerful in its message as more and more people experience and learn from the experience. I remember that Arnold Ehret experimented with the powers of fasting a century ago, and I feel that the irrefutable truth in this method of cleansing and natural living can receive its rightful output through the internet and the human documenting of blogs. I look forward to seeing how the global juice feast affects things. Expecting global shifts in universal energy...

Today:
skin brushing enema
1600ml kale, lettuce, parsley and celery juice
800ml carrot, celery, kiwi, apple juice
800ml pineapple juice
1l pure water

Dreaming

I have always noticed my dreams become more vivid when I do a juice fast. And I have a recurring nightmare about breaking the fast with terrible foods that I wake up in a quite a state, feelings of terrible regret still steaming at the surface, consoling myself that its just a dream, and how great it is that I am still on the fast. Last night I dreamt that I broke the fast with meat(!?) but the feeling of joy when I realised it was just a dream was such to sustain my motivation all of today. I really am happy to be feasting and am enjoying the daily observation of my body working. Today lots of questions and old emotions coming through. I enjoy the greater clarity further on in the fast to deal with these so easily. For now, I am just watching these thoughts surface and putting them to one side. Stomach is a little bloated too, going easy on the honey, and started with some psyllium husks. Energy levels are up, sleep is so fluid and enjoying connecting with an old friend on the telephone - feeling love vibes. Also, the green juices are becoming so much less challenging, what a feat! I am curious to see if I will actually start to look forward to them, or even favour them over fruit combos later on! Well thats me.

Today I had

1.6l lettuce, celery, cucumber juice
0.8l pineapple, lettuce, celery juice
0.8l lettuce, parsley, apple juice
0.8l water, cloves, lemon, psyllium
skin brushing, hot/cold showers

Green Juices, Day

Strange to blog about my juice feasting experience on a daily basis, rather I feel it should be almost hourly posts, time permitting. That is to say that the feeling I have for this fast are so fluctuating, that if I am not quick to note them down, on comes another emotion or feeling to eclipse the last. Started the day amazingly, feeling as if I was really getting in to the swung of this. Up at 7am to go to the market, back at 8, made my juices, and back out the house at 9 to go to work, sipping on a hardcore green juice and ever so proud of myself. The green juices make me feel so calm, that I wasn't even caring about the strange looks I was getting from the Parisian commuters at the sight of me with a large green kilner jar in my hand and the resulting green juice moustache effect. Felt so energetic at work and seriously felt enthused to get some exercise in, now the energy levels are back up after the first few days adjusting. Then on the way home, desire to just eat a big salad kicks in. I started to question my reason for doing this, telling myself that raw should be enough. Then I got home and saw my rosy complexion in the mirror, checked some other juice blogs and felt happy again about the process. I think I really need to be doing more exercise and kicking the honey in my lemon water combo cos the sugar just hits me, and destabilises my mood. But definitely feeling great, positive, and open. Looking very forward to the progression, can't wait for the real healing processes to begin working. Maybe a bit of exercise and another enema will speed it up a bit.

Juices:

800 ml Lettuce, Celery, Cucumber, Parsey Combo - Hard to take but really calming
800ml Carrot, Celery, Apple, Ginger
800 ml Water, Honey, Ginger, Cloves
800ml Pear Juice
800ml Pineapple, Cucumber, Celery

Juice Feast Intro, Day 6

Its day 6 of my juice feast, and finding so much support from the other feaster blogs has been an inspiration to start my own blog. Today I realised that its good to connect with other people, it provides a support and purpose. I hope to share my journey to inspire other people and to track my own progress in a public format. So far, I am feeling great excitement about going deep into a healing process, discovering how my own body works, and developing positivity and energy that I can use in positive ways. It already feels like the layers are stripping down, I feel great clarity but also a deeper awareness and sensitivity. This can be hard in a busy city environment, Paris to feel so vulnerable to the noise around you. Simultaneously, it affirms for me why dependence to food, alcohol, media, are so prevalent because they block your awareness and sensitivity of the world around you. When i first went raw after juice feasting for 40 days it was a wonderful discovery to feel life so much more intensely, I felt connected and open to my emotions and great compassion for people. When I asked a friend why he stopped eating 100% raw after twenty years, he responded that it is hard to stay raw when life is difficult. I now understand what he meant, that raw living breaks down so many defensive layers, that it can become a very difficult journey to face a less than perfect world in this state. Easier to block it out, as does a huge proportion of our society drink and take drugs. Food, for me exists on a similar level. Our temptation to eat things that we know our not good for us, is like getting drunk on food in the numbing sensation it provokes, otherwise stated, comfort food. I feel that the more people eating raw, feasting, and cleansing, the stronger a community of healthy beings we can become, and the stronger a society of 'functioning' people we will be. Thus the more positive energy we will have can be used to develop and grow collaboratively as a community, in health and in connection with nature(because going against nature only causes harm). Anyway, back to the juice feast. Today I had:

1/4 litre of lemon juice, honey, ginger water
800ml lettuce, parsley, pear, cucumber, lemon juice
800ml pineapple, celery juice
800ml carrot, cucumber, apple juice
1/4 litre lemon juice, honey, ginger tea
skin brushing, enema

Starting to feel positive about the future, feels so right juice feasting. Skin is definitely clearer after 6 days, though am a bit on edge emotionally. Releasing lots of mucus, better out than in, and feel great faith in my body to clease and release all the crap inside it. Loving feeling that I am in a process of change and that I am doing something wonderful for myself.

Love,
Poppy