Bashfulness and the Elephant Lady

Its been a crazy, eventful, celebration filled week crammed with highs and birthday bashfulness. I am officially hooked on raw chocolate - its the only sweet thing that grabs my attention and I am loving eating again - though I do miss the juice feast. Last night's raw cacao talk at Inspiral Lounge was just inspiring and filled with lovely peeps. Lovely to meet you Suki and Crissy, ;), Joel - your words were deep!

Partaying over the weekend and dancing to the legendary Ali Shaheed Muhammed on Sunday night was perhaps one of the finest groovement experience I have ever had. Beautiful bodies and smiling faces all going collectively wild to the DJ music filled my soul with love, couldn't stop laughing all night long, greeting old friends with ear-to-ear smiles and hugs.

Raw food and cleansing has made me one sensitive little girl! A nasty allergic reaction to carob has made the right side of face swell up, with an inflamed eye also - I look like I have been beaten up! Trying Raw Intent's Carob Chips, gave my body the opportunity to reveal to me how sensitive I am - I discovered today that they ain't raw and that they contain soya, so I will be more careful to thoroughy check packaged products in future. However, I did manage to venture out to the Inspiral Lounge despite my current malformation, and it was well worth it! I start training at SAF tomorrow, and I am too embarassed to leave the house right now - I hope tonight brings speedy recovery. My brothers have nicknamed me 'Elephant Lady' - touché as always! Feeing unwell has had such an effect on my well-being, it has brought me right down to earth and I long to float back up to my former sexy love-being.
The whole experience of JFing was about all about introspection, and now I am sudden emerging from my cave shielding my eyes and having to engage with the world in itself. I am naturally disposed to shyness and introspection, I always have been. Thus, I form my own illusions of the world and reality often proves that the world is amalgamation of many different people's thoughts, energies and attitudes. By the same token, my perception of how things should be, does not necessarily accord with other people's desires and I have to find ways to accept people for who they are, not what I dream them up to be. The beauty of life is surfing on the waves, responding to each one as it comes with joyous creativity not trying to pierce through each one. Being positive provides me the tools with which to deal lovingly with others. But for me, more creativity is needed with the way I enage with people in the 'real world', and definitely an emphasis on play because I discover more and more that life is just a joyous game not to be taken seriously. People's negativity can be engaged with socially in a fun and understanding manner because we are all ony human afterall. My family have recently taken to calling me loony and regretting the loss of 'old Poppy', I joke back with them about this and I have noticed that it makes us much closer. Their opinion of me is not the sum of who I am, just their perception, all the more more fun! It would be boring if everyone was nice, and I was wonderful in the eyes of all I know, the fun is riding and playing in this humorous riddle of life.

I am less into words and introspection right now. I find great pleasure in using my body as a vehile of action. It disperses all my neurosis, fears and general chit-chat of the brain. I speak a lot usually but I find that my actions ought to speak much, much louder. I have also been let down recently by placing my hopes into what turns out to be empty promises. So now I just believe that we should act before we speak and use words as the summary of our findings. Maybe I will be blogging less for now, I am in a doing kind of phase.

I am staying in London for now, as some of you may have realised. I am still in love with my Parisian man, but I am not prepared to make the move back yet. Everyday, is a chance to rebuild our love, and that takes some work after the heartache of a separation, and the bad memories. But as I always maintain, with love and cooperation between two people, anything is possible. Sometimes, that isn't there for whatever reaons in which case you can't impose your beliefs on another, I have to learn to play more in the game with others and respond to their moves with openness. (I am a head-strong Arien dontcha know!) But I know that David loves me and I know that we want to be together. Soon come...